I don’t know why, but sometimes I can find myself absolutely crippled by anxiety. Or more importantly, insecurity in a variety of forms. As much as I’m loving being away, I think this is something that does haunt those away from home, or at least, myself.
Perhaps because I’m travelling, and I’m in a new place with people who are comparatively strangers to those who I am familiar with at home, I find myself worrying more and more about who I can trust and what people truly want from me when they begin a social interaction. It’s difficult to decipher what my peers intentions truly are and I constantly worry about offending somebody’s culture without knowing.
Okay, so I don’t want to sound totally irrational here. I know guidebooks such as Lonely Planet genuinely do err on the side of caution in all possible scenarios, whilst some of the advice I’ve been given is geniunely hilarious (my favourite being so far ‘Try not to get kidnapped Liv’ – err yeah I’ll try!) plus the likelihood of anything serious happening is very small. I already know all of this. I’m also absolutely loviing being away and meeting so many wonderful people, yes my security blanket has been positively ripped out from underneath me, but I can make a new one if I need to. Yet I still worry, which in itself, makes me worry further. Argh!
My worst (and possibly most irrational) fear is that everything is going so well in my life that something has to go wrong. Like I’m only allowed so much good stuff to happen before it all comes crashing down upon my head.
The thing is, I know I’ll be fine and I’m just being silly. I’m determined also that I’d never let a fear like this stop me from doing anything I genuinely wanted to do. But sometimes it feels good just to put your thoughts down on paper, or on the web.
“Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’ ‘That is the only time a man can be brave.” Game of Thrones.